Questioning the Past

She sits  in her backyard lawn chair watching the gentle sunset as it drops behind the evergreen mountains  in her suburban hometown. Memories send her back on a timeline of confusion as she looks back on her life. What’s left of the sun kisses her nose as she picks up her glass of Merlot and takes a sip. Her daughters run into the backyard from school and greet her with hugs full of joy. She kisses their forehead lightly as her husband quietly walks in from work and joins the family gathering. She smiles and ponders about what could have been if….

She had stayed with the other guy before him. If their relationship had never ended, what would have happened? Where would she be? How happy would she be? People question their motives all the time and still question what if….

It’s crazy how we always go back to the past questioning whether we made a mistake or whether we made the best decision of our lives. The ex lingers in the back of our minds like a ravenous tick ready for blood. There’s been plenty of relationships for some and barely any for others. But that one person or that one relationship somehow sticks onto us like glue.

Even though the blissful memories of what we lost still lingers, we have to remember why it ended in the first place. Recently, I started reading Steve Harvey’s book  Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. I don’t know how truthful his words are, but the man makes some sense. A lot of what he had to say described the ideal man for a woman and vice versa. One chapter explains how a man wants to protect and profess to his woman. And another urges women to ask their men five simple questions before getting too serious. He has some really smart things to say. Especially about choosing a man with a plan for his future and distinguishing the men who “sports fish” vs the “keepers.”

It made me think back to a “relationship” that ended over a year ago and I could never understand why. Guys tend to just pick up and leave sometimes. But after reading this book, it helped me realize how much better off I am without him. My life is picking up, going strong and is much more exceptional than it’s ever been because of the wonderful people in it and because of me. (And God of course) He wasn’t doing anything for himself, so how could he do anything for me?

At times we sit back and think about what if, but I say why bother. Why take yourself back to that person who was never really there for you? Life is so much better when you’re there for yourself. Doors open up and opportunities enter. And if you’re patient enough, the right person will enter as well. It’s like the best thing you never had could have been the worst thing you ever had. It’s better to stop wondering and embrace the beauty from within. Things happen for a reason.

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    1. Well having a relationship that I realized wasn’t worth it is what I experienced. My life is so much better right now. I’m with a more motivated person who has a lot of good qualities and potential. It’s not really worth it to question the past; it’s there for a reason.


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