When The Flame Goes Out

There’s this beautiful story that’s spread throughout the Internet in the past year (Or more. Not sure). It’s about a couple who attempts to reignite the flames in their marriage. A man grows weary of his wife as he sits her down and asks her for a divorce. His side mistress waits for him to leave his wife while she takes the news with in anger and sadness later writing down her wishes to this proposal. She tells him before she signs the papers that he must carry her each day from her bedroom to the front door for a month. He thinks this is absurd, but complies with her request. Each day, his love for his wife and his family begins to grow again. He notices her features more, what she’s gone through as his wife and more about the foundation he’s created with these people. At the end of the month, he decides not to go through with the divorce. He leaves his mistress and is ready to go running back into the arms of his wife. Yet, utter shock is waiting for him at home as he finds his wife dead. He finds out she had Cancer and that she wanted their son to remember him as a loving husband rather than a selfish one for wanting to leave.

The tribulations of marriage or even a relationship are difficult to deal with. Sometimes, I wonder how people keep the fire going after years and years of commitment. My friends and I were discussing long term relationships the other day. One of them mentioned how couples tend to lose the energy that once kept them going in the beginning. The days of long phone calls, endless laughter and that warm feeling in the pit of the stomach all disappear.

Boredom covers the very atmosphere of some long term relationships hovering around the inhabitants in despair. They live together listlessly, co-habitating with each other aimlessly moving through their everyday activities without the same vigor or spirit represented only a few years ago.

When my friend said this, I instantly became afraid. What if my boyfriend and I throw away our cute pet names for crude, demeaning names instead? What if some days, we forget to talk to each other? What if boredom secretes into the essence of  our relationship making it almost impossible to stand? And worst of all, what if our lack of zeal causes us to fall out of love for each other?

I could see this as a continuous pattern in some pairs. They fall in love, get married, have kids, get bored, get divorced, and move on. It’s a normal cycle existent within many couples these days. The same insatiable addiction of a loved one is cured after time depresses the unique qualities of what made that union so special.

I can’t understand how people allow this to happen to each other. However, even though many couples give up on the love they once had, I believe that love can always be regenerated.

Just like everything in life, love needs work. It’s a life force. It’s a growing entity that can only keep growing if the two love birds continue to work on it. Couples sit there confused, agitated and tired of the passion that’s disappeared from their relationship. In order to keep the flame alive, it needs fuel.

Love is a very powerful force to be reckoned with. Effort, patience, and communication are some key elements to keep this flame going. We need to tell each other how much we love each other every day. We need to surprise them with gifts, a meal or something meaningful to our partner every once in a while. We need to keep things alive; keep them fresh to generate the fire in a relationship.

Relationships needs work. It needs energy to keep it strong. Without the girth we once put into our unions, we will become lost and empty within the unbearable notion of a flame gone out.

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