I can’t help it, but….

Success stories are always wonderful to hear. He got the new job. She got a pay raise. He just got nominated for a new reward. You meet people with amazing news and plaster a big smile on your face as soon it comes spilling out of their mouth. You say “That’s great. Congratulations!” Yet the enthusiasm caked on your face doesn’t quite emulate the explosion of sadness that just burst throughout your body.

Hearing life changing advances in another persons life is an event that we should all celebrate and use for our own inspiration to do better. But why does it sometimes make me feel worse? Why does it sometimes make me feel like a pathetic human being? Why does it sometimes make me feel like the harsh words my critical family member said to me last summer was right?

The words haunt me all the time. “If I were an employer, I wouldn’t hire you.” I know he was just trying to be honest, but the words still sting. The whole talk actually changed my old path of searching for just any job into searching for the job that most matches what I want to do in life; write for a living.

But somehow I still find myself in the same position as I was just a year ago. Technically, I do have a better position and more money coming in. But it’s hard to see the success sometimes when I see the even better success of others.

I hate it. I hate this feeling. Why can’t I just be happy for that person? What’s wrong with me? I’m happy about where I am now. But sometimes I feel like I can be doing so much better. It makes me feel like a loser at times.

My pride is sitting in a corner screaming “Why me?” as it watches everyone riding the success train. I’ve been doing more of what I want to do currently where I work and want to do more even with this little writing space. Yet, there is a small part of me that can’t help but ask, is it enough?

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2 Comments

  1. I am sure you hear this all the time, but your time will come. Stop looking at what others are doing and just do you. You are in a much better place than you think. Seriously, think about all of the great things that you have done to date, and believe me, that will revive your dreams and desires and make you work harder. If you want get advice from those that you see flourishing. Hang out with them. Get the scoop. You will be just fine.

    Reply

    1. Yea. I think I’m just anxious to be better than I am. I feel I’m going to do great things one day. I just want to be there and know how to get there. Thank you for the kind words. Like the title says, I just can’t help it. Lol.

      Reply

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