Rain On Me

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Flowers from my mom’s garden at night.

So I was supposed to write this the other night. But after finding out Chester Bennington passed away, I lost the urge to pour my words onto this page. The thing about words though, they tend to have a way of finding their way from the brain to actually breathe life. Sometimes, I just can’t let them fade away. It’s crazy how many thoughts I have that I want to write down and it just never makes it. My brain is constantly in a word fertilization stage – probably 85 percent of my thoughts don’t escape my lips. Maybe 15 percent either show up on this humble space, leaves my mind to another’s ears, or shows up in some other form of communication. But there is this true sense of refreshment that lights up throughout me whenever I decide to let these words live.

I constantly tell myself that I need to write more, but I end up just writing in my head. But let me tell you, it feels so good when I finally ignore my daily distractions and allow myself to indulge in this space. For those of you reading now or have read in the past, I truly appreciate it. Thank you for taking the time to experience the little increments of my mind and spirit in the form of literary expression.

Anyway, the other night I went into my backyard looking for some mint my mom grows. She has a garden of various vegetables, fruits and herbs including tomatoes, cucumbers, thyme, dill and raspberries. I was going to make myself a fruit smoothie. As I was about to go outside, it suddenly started raining. The sweltering heat broke for just a bit to cool our little corner of the Earth. I hesitated for a bit, but then decided to go because I really wanted the smoothie. Plus, it’s only rain.

Outside, the water felt so nice. The whole atmosphere of it all is incredible. Have you ever done it? Just gone outside and stood in the rain? You got to try it. Let the water touch your skin. The cool wind will spiral around you however it feels. The pitter patter sound of the rain drops will enter your ears and sooth your mind. Close your eyes. Let the moment take you.

After I got the mint, I stood outside longer, closed my eyes and imagined being in a rain forest. I could see a stream of water on the forest floor. Tall trees surrounded me enveloping the whole area. The sky was adorned with leaves only left with a small space to see the grey hovering above. I was enamored by the moment. The pleasant sense of it all kept me grounded. I breathed in the positive energy flowing around naturally and breathed out any stress or worries that consumed me. For that moment, I was in paradise.

After some time, my stomach reminded me that I needed to feed it and I went inside. As humans, I think it is important for us to remember to be still sometimes. We live in this fast paced world. We are constantly bombarded with messages telling us what to wear, how to spend, how to eat, how to basically live. Stress plague our minds on a daily basis. We often times forget how to honor ourselves. How to cherish our light. How to breath and even embrace the beauty in being able to let air fill and leave our bodies.

There is power to the simplicity to do the very thing we did the first moment we entered this world. Peace enters your life the second you choose to embrace you. I ask you to take  one moment at least once a day to just forget your day’s qualms, sit still and simply breath. Cherish you; always.

I let the rain bring me back to that moment of honoring myself. Any time I get caught in the rain and it is not too intense, it feels great to let the rain bring me to peace. After society tries so hard to shake my senses and make me feel like I am crazy, nature always has a way of bringing me back to the true reality of just being. For when those skies open up and the storm ain’t too crazy, (Let’s be real; I won’t be caught getting struck by lightening or intentionally soaked), I will embrace what the Earth has to give. For sure, I want the skies to rain on me.

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Twist Out Blues

You what I hate these days? I hate what Trump is doing to America; I hate driving in New York City and I hate doing a twist out and my style disappearing within two days. Honestly, it takes a lot for me to dislike or have anger towards anything. I find comfort in being cool about most things. But when you put time and energy into a style and it is gone…..it becomes increasingly challenging to maintain that zen like mood.

On Sunday night, I put my hair into twists. I sat in my bed while watching the Walking Dead and preceded to do my hair. My hands worked through my hair carefully parting each strand to the best of my ability. (I actually am very bad at parting, ha ha.) My hands put some time into each piece of hair treating it delicately. When I was done, I put a hair cap over it to preserve the look. My hair was left in the twists for about two days to continue the preservation of the look I wanted. On Wednesday, I took the twists out and the style did not look too bad. It had a mixture of perfect and lopsided curls that accentuated my style. It was not perfection, but it defined my look.

For some reason this morning, it looked even better. It had definition, volume and the curls were looking great. I was so excited. I went on to take a shower like I do every day. However when I was finished, the popping volume was GONE!!!! My hair had shrunk so much. It looked like how it normally does after a few days of a twist out. This has happened before after taking a steamy shower, but I am just so sick of it. It sucks when humidity ruins your hair. Venting here is making me feel a bit better, but it truly is frustrating when the warmth that actually puts you at so much ease into your routine destroys the time and effort put into your tresses.

However, I cannot help but love the diversity my hair naturally possesses. It changes when it feels best. I can only do so much to control it. I am loving my kinks but that love turns into frustration at times. It is like loving a child; you come into your once clean kitchen and find a tornado of a mess. Your anger rises quickly, but you find a way to swallow it and handle that situation like a champ (or try to) because in your heart you know the love you have for the sometimes wild one is unconditional. My wild mane will always have my heart. I will do my best to understand it one day at a time. So for today, I will put on my armor of chill and embrace the shrunken kinks my hair decided to morph into.

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This was after a successful twist out. =)

I am

The urge to write sometimes comes to you at the most random times. Seriously, I was driving earlier and wanted to write. It sucked cause I don’t think it’s legal to write and drive. Luckily, the urge came back while listening to some inspiring music from Kendrick Lamar. I’ve been feeling these words for some time now, but today I finally got the push I needed to get it out. Conversations with some pretty dope friends was also part of the product for this piece. Check it out and I hope it gets you to do what you do best – being the awesome person that you are.

I am
Undefinable,
an entity that cannot be boxed in
keep me free and I will be
the truest form of ecstasy

I am
Beauty
a sensation that only
some can see
the delights of warmth, charisma and grace
created as human with no haste

I am
Power
An energy of light beaming through
life at a speed that’s best for me
unstoppable and malleable in space

I am
Imperfect
an organism sifting through life
trying to understand it’s complexities
but blossoming from my eloquent pirouettes and ghastly deformities

I am
Tiffany
a woman meandering in a spiral of comic energy
embracing the intricate elements changing each day
and growing to make a path of peace and joy along the way


 

 

The Last Page

 

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There’s this relationship I have. It’s more special than I ever thought it would be. It’s one of the most powerful connections I’ve had in my life. I’ve grown so much from being just a naive girl to a woman thirsty for understanding and growth. This special union has gotten me through the tough hurdles of life and even through the grim days of nothingness.

Unfortunately, this relationship is coming to an end. It’s something I cannot control. There’s nothing that can be done to stop this. But the deep journey I’ve had with my journal is over.

A great gift from an incredible woman who I interned for at SUNY Plattsburgh, this book has carried me through it all during the years. It was my literal void to express my deepest thoughts, my plans for the future, even notes from work meetings. It was the chronicle of everything Tiffany; or at least most of me. I even have blueprints of how the Heartbeat Life would be created within in its pages.

I’ve had journals before, but this one in particular is genuine proof of my growth. I’m excited to start another one, but I will always treasure this one. Goodbye to my editorial recollections of life in this book and hello to the memories of it all as well as the start of a new journal journey.

Happy Valentine’s Day by the way! Whether you’re single or in a relationship, I’ll stand by my belief that the most important relationship you can have is with yourself. Stay happy, safe and peaceful on this day. ❤

 

Pimp My Blog

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Anyone with a blog loves to write. Well, MOST people with one do. I feel like all my energy goes into my writing when I produce content. Even if it’s something I know little about, but where I learn incredible facts, I still feel alive. However, I also need to make a living.

It’s so difficult finding a place to write quality content and get paid well to do it. I’ve tried internships where you basically have the role as a staff writer without the monetary perks. I’ve tried applying to countless websites and jobs looking for a place for my writing to shine. “Pick me. Pick me, my writing will kick butt,” I feel like screaming among the sea of leads. Application after application and all a writer gets is either a “We’ve received your application” email or nothing at all. However, the 5% of the time that I do receive a legit response it’s for a content mill, a writer sweat shop paying next to nothing for high quality content.

I wish I could throw my degree in their face and yell “I deserve better; every writer does.” Seriously, if they want to pay so little then they might as well do it themselves. I do understand more if the source is from a third world country. But there has to be an easier way for experienced writers to get paid well for their passion.

Believe me, I’ve done my research on getting paid well to write. I may have to work more harder on marketing myself as a content writer to businesses because that seems like the best outlet. One way I’m looking into now is using this wonderful place, The Heartbeat Life, to sell ads or links. I just don’t want this space to turn into a marketing ploy instead of a place for my writing to breath. People should enjoy the content here and not be spammed by annoying ads. However, I wouldn’t mind using related ads that visitors will like so I can pay some bills.

In the past week, I’ve tried using Matomy, SponsoredReviews, PaySpree, PayPerPost and AdSense. Honestly, I still feel lost using all of them. I’m trying to learn more about affiliate marketing, but I’m a confused voyager in this new world. I hope one day I’ll get more of a hang of it.

R&B 90s Nostalgia

My vision is blurry as the world around me has changed. Guys are rocking a straight, high top fade like the Fresh Prince. Women are walking proud in their baggy, colorful attire. Everyone seems to have this easy going confidence expelling from them. The sound emanating from my computer suffocates me with nostalgia and I become lost in a memory. When the three minutes are up, the environment goes back to the 2014, fast paced reality of what it is now. Then I find the next 90s tune on Youtube, hit play and I’m back again. I’m not exactly depressed about being brought back, but every time I enter the 90s it’s hard to want to come back. I was barely four feet at the time, but it was a period that I can never forget. Every single movement proves important when watching a Dru Hill video. The instant burst of joy jumping under each ounce of my skin when my ears get a bite of Janet’s “That’s the Way Love Goes” is perfection. Not saying I want to stay in the past, but there is nothing wrong with visiting every once in a while.